Amour
by Cetacean
Summary: Addie Williams knows that once Titanic docks in New York, she will be chained to a man she will undoubtedly hate.  However, a chance meeting with a certain Irishman will change her views on love forever.
1. Chapter 1

**A special thanks goes to my beta CrystralSaffron for so kindly proofreading this.**

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Mother had always called me her, 'plain Jane'; completely oblivious to any insult those words might hold. Brown eyes, brown hair, freckles – there was nothing remarkable about me, she said. Father disagreed, saying that my mind was remarkable. This conversation occurred often, always when someone dared to bring up the topic of my finding a husband.

"A remarkable mind is what she has, my dear," Father always insisted, puffing away on his pipe. "She's a clever girl, our Addie."

Mother would sniff. "A clever woman ought to hide from men how clever she is, lest she'll never find a husband."

That was usually when I left. This conversation always went on the same, whether or not I was present. I would escape to our library and lose myself in one of our many books, usually one by Jane Austen or one of the Bronte sisters. And when I was feeling especially down, a poem by John Keats always made me smile. The only true beauty I knew existed in words. I longed to write like them, to have such a power with language.

Mather always said the only way for a woman to make her way in this world was through an advantageous marriage. But I knew I would make my way using my pen. I had long ago given up on men. The kinds always invited to dinner parties and forced upon me, as I was forced upon them, were always the same. The only men my parents approved of were the kind I couldn't stand. With great money came great ego, or so it seemed. These men were stuffy, boorish and only looking to make a good match, although I knew I seemed the same to them. The only men I loved were fictional. Men such as Mr. Darcy, Mr. Rochester and Mr. Knightley had stolen my heart. I had long ago resigned myself to spinsterhood.

On this particular evening, I picked up my latest read – _The Italian_ by Ann Radcliffe. I loved gothic novels, no matter Jane Austen's opinion of them. I was soon absorbed by the pages, paying no attention to the growing darkness or the flickering of my candle. By the time I looked up, night had settled and the candle was nothing more than a pool of hot wax. I stood up gingerly, sore from sitting still for so long. I crept out of the library, careful to make not a sound, scared of waking my parents. I tread lightly down the carpeted hallway, almost losing myself in the maze of darkness. I struggled out of my corset and collapsed into my bed with a muffled groan.

I would need to start packing in the morning. Today – or perhaps yesterday, depending on the hour – was April 4th. I would be leaving in less than a week. Our tickets were waiting patiently in Father's briefcase. _Titanic_ would leave for New York City on April 10th. I was being sent to live with my Aunt Josephine for the season. I knew my parents hoped for me to find a husband there. Despite Father's protests, I knew it would relieve him greatly if I married. I hadn't a hope that I would find someone. Despite my torturous thoughts, I soon found sleep.

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The morning of April 10th was startlingly bright and warm. Pathetic fallacy was clearly not at play here. I internally groaned as I stepped out into the blinding sun, raising my hand to shield my eyes from the glare. Anna clambered out after me, gasping at the sight of the great ship. I wasn't as loud about my surprise, but I was equally floored. _Titanic _was stunning. I had never seen her equal. She shone from bow to stern, imperious to all of us watching. All manner of people were lined up to board, most gazing in awe at the waiting vessel. The third class passengers were more stunned than others, not even trying to hide their excitement. A very regal-looking man marched past me, not even sparing _Titanic _a second look. His manner rather than his clothes betrayed him as a first-class passenger.

We joined the queue, Anna trailing behind to bring our necessities and send our luggage to the right compartments. She would be staying with me exclusively on the journey, and would remain in New York after my parents returned to England. Anna had been looking after me for as long as I could remember. No matter our difference in 'rank', I had always considered here one of the best friends. My _true _best friend, however, was Cecilia, a girl I had grown up with. With bright blue eyes, blonde hair and a loud personality, she was my opposite in every way. Cecilia had done what most could not, and fallen in love with the boy her parents had suggested for her. Every letter I wrote while in New York would be addressed to her.

I followed my parents up the gangplank, my stomach lurching at the sight of the navy waves below. I knew how to swim, and had absolutely no problem with pools. But the ocean... it terrified me. I held my breath and kept my eyes locked on the ship until we had boarded. Father led the way to our cabins, and took great pleasure in presenting mine.

"We thought you might appreciate having your own space," Father said, smiling warmly. "But should you need us, we're just next door."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, meaning it. I gave Father a hug and kissed Mother on the cheek, very grateful for their trust.

My rooms, which lay adjacent to theirs, were stunning. The wood was a dark mahogany, the eiderdown a deep burgundy. I collapsed onto the four-poster, wishing that I could wake up from this all-too-vivid nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

As _Titanic _left port, I chose to remain inside and unpack. I took my time unfolding and stowing away my clothes, and stacked my many books on the self near my bed. Before long, I heard someone knock on my cabin door, and my mother stepped in.

"Hello, sweetheart," she said, giving me a light hug and kiss on the cheek. "I hope you're settling in well."

"Mmhmm," I replied, returning the embrace.

"Your father and I are going for a walk out on the deck. You don't happen to be interested in joining us?"

"No, thank you," I said. "I'd like to finish unpacking.

Mother surveyed the room, taking in the full chest and my very _empty _suitcases. She clucked her tongue.

"Alright. Don't forget to dress for dinner; we'll be leaving at seven o'clock sharp."

I nodded my assent. In a rare moment of tenderness, Mother reached out and cupped my cheek. She gave me a sad smile before heading for the door. With a sigh, I settled onto my four-poster and reached for a book.

"_It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must also be in want of a wife..."_

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Hours later, I lay my book down and reached for the clock that sat on my bedside table. Four o'clock. It was far too early to start dressing for dinner, though I had it on good authority that my mother already had. She had summoned Anna a quarter of an hour ago. Instead, I took a seat at my desk and located my stationary. I began to compose a letter to my dear Cecilia, outlining my first impression of _Titanic_, my apprehension at arriving in New York, and how very much I already missed her. I sealed and addressed the envelope, and set off for the post office, intending to ask that it be sent once we reached Cherbourg. I reached for my notebook on a whim and set off for my cabin. I considered asking Father's permission, but thought it unnecessary and left without a word.

I returned to find a dress laid out on my bed. My Mother's choice for the evening, I presumed. It was a new one, and so gaudy that I couldn't fathom wearing it. When Mother came to collect me just before seven o'clock, I had donned her least favourite dress – a black silk, undercut with lace but naked of further embellishment. She believed that black was only for widows or the elderly. It was not a great revenge, but it was revenge nonetheless. Mother gave me a sharp look upon entering, but said nothing. It would irk her all night, I knew.

_Titanic's _grand staircase and first class dining room were magnificent. They were as lavish as promised and truly stunning. The same could not be said for the guests. Women dressed to the nines lightly hugged and air kissed one another, devoid of any human emotion. Their husbands were much more natural, though they still carried with them an air of arrogance. I found myself seated with Captain Smith, Thomas Andrews, Bruce Ismay, and another family. There was a girl of about my age with gorgeous red curls directly across from me. I tried and failed to make eye contact; she seemed rather distracted and barely spoke. The man who had been introduced as her fiancé sat next to her. He did not seem like a very generous person; most of the conversation he made was focused on himself. I did my best to avoid speaking with him.

The rest of the night was a blur. Polite conversation and fake laughter could only be paid attention to for so long. We returned to our cabins quite late. I big goodnight to Mother – Father had stayed back to play a hand of cards – and found myself walking outside. I needed a moment of fresh air after an evening spent in such stuffy quarters. The deck was deserted, as was to be expected at this time of night, and I leaned against the railing. My breath lingered in the cold air and goose bumps erupted on my arms. I wrapped my arms around myself but made no move to leave. Waves lapped soothingly on the side of the ship, sending a salty spray into the air. A light breeze mussed my hair and ruffled the hem of my dress. It was a clear night. Father had always loved astronomy, and had been eager to teach me despite Mother's protests that it would be useless. I knew many of his favourite constellations, and could recognize a few of them now. Orion was as prominent as always, and one of the Hunter's dogs, Canis Minor, was easy to locate. With some searching, I soon found my personal favourite, Aquarius. My eyes remained fixed on the heavens for quite a time, until a rather cold gust of wind brought me back.

I hastened back inside and huddled in front of the fire in my cabin until I had warmed. I undressed and found my favourite nightgown, and slide beneath the sheets of my four-poster. I doubted I could handle another night of this, let alone a lifetime, which would also be shared by a man I would not care for. I broke down at the thought. I huddled beneath my blankets and cried until my throat ached and my tears ran dry. I sniffled and picked up _Pride & Prejudice_, eager to imagine life with a man like Mr. Darcy instead.

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**Thanks so much for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke the next morning feeling restless. After breakfast, I paced my room, yearning for something to do. Cecilia! I would write to Cecilia. I located my stationary and began to compose a letter. I outlined my first impression of _Titanic_, my apprehension at arriving in New York, and how very much I already missed her. I sealed and addressed the envelope and slipped it into my bag, intending to post it as soon as we docked. I began strumming my fingers on the surface of my desk. I had to get out of this room. I shrugged on my coat and left, asking Anna to tell my parents that I had gone for a walk, ignoring her protests. I grabbed my notebook on a whim and set off at a brisk pace with absolutely no idea as to where I was going.

I stumbled upon a flight of stairs and followed them down, down; as far away from first class as I could get. _Titanic _really was as luxurious as everyone had said. On my walk I passed a gymnasium, a heated swimming pool, a darkroom, and two libraries. I made a mental note of their locations so I could browse them later. In the blink of an eye, I found myself in the belly of the ship. I stepped out into the sunshine of one of the lower decks. Laughter filled the air as children played, chasing one another around the deck. Women seated on a bench gossiped and worked on their knitting, while men seated nearby them smoked and played cards. Their clothes were simple and tattered - and they were all gloriously free and completely themselves. The atmosphere of this third class deck was shockingly different from that of the first class decks above. These people were so _happy_; people who had nothing compared to their snappy and dour counterparts. It was a much more relaxing and accepting place.

I found myself a bench by the side and took in the ocean. The sun shone off the deep blue water and glittered on the rolling waves. The sky was clear and blue for as far as the eye could see. Had I been anywhere else, it would have been the perfect day. Withdrawing my notebook, I began to write. I was so completely absorbed in my words that I hardly noticed when someone took a seat beside me.

"If ya don' mind me askin', what are ya doin' down here?"

I looked up in surprise. A young man sat next to me, smiling enchantingly. He had a mess of curly hair, and he swept it back as it fell into his charming hazel eyes.

"_Oh_. Um..." I stammered, unsure of my answer.

"Tommy Ryan," he said, offering his hand.

I smiled tentatively and took it. "Adelaide Williams."

His hand was rough and warm, and my heart fluttered unexpectedly at his touch.

"So what do ya have against yer own deck?" he asked teasingly. His mood was infectious, and I found myself smiling back.

I leaned in a confidential manner, and he followed suit.

"I find it... preferable here," I mock-whispered.

"Do ya now?" Tommy smiled. "May I ask why that is?"

I couldn't believe how bold I'd grown. I'd never been capable of conversing freely with most people - let alone a perfect stranger. I could hardly communicate my fears with Cecilia - and here I found myself about to share them with a man I'd known for mere minutes. A man who would doubtless find my problems ridiculous and self-centered in comparison to his own. So I just shook my head and blushed, regretting saying anything in the first place.

"Oh, come now," he said. "Don't get like that. I don't blame ya. I understand everyone must seem much nicer down here."

I nodded, agreeing completely.

"My Mum once worked for someone like... well, like them. Insufferable, she was."

I giggled a bit at his tone, though I knew just what he meant. Families like mine treated families like his with nothing but disrespect.

"I'm being sent to New York for the season," I told him, figuring it would be best to leave out the whole 'to find a husband' bit. "There will be balls, cotillions, dinners... all intolerably boring, let me assure you."

"Well," Tommy said, smiling mischievously," If you enjoy our company so much, why don't ya try one of our parties? I'm sure it'll be quite something after the kind yer used to."

_Say no. _This was such a bad idea. _Say no, say no, say n,o say no._

"Sure!" I found myself saying. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

"Alright. Good. You'll find us in the smoke room on Deck C around nine o'clock. I've got to leave, but I'll see ya then." Tommy rose and started to walk towards the door - but spun around at the last moment. "And be sure to wear something comfortable; not one of those frilly dresses you girls are always prancing around in."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he had winked and was gone before I could say a word. I left in a daze and once I reached my cabin, could not recall how I'd gotten there. All I knew was that this was the kind of man I would definitely _not _meet in New York.

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**Thanks as always to my fabulous beta, and thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so sorry it took me so long to update! As a sort of apology, this chapter is a bit longer than the others. This time, I promise to update right away. As always, I would really appreciate it if you could review, and thanks once again to CrystralSaffron for proofreading this!**

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I awoke with a start, shaking and sheathed in any icy sweat. I had slept fitfully, my mind incessantly replaying my earlier meeting with a certain young man by the name of Tommy Ryan. Mother had always stressed the importance of a mid-afternoon nap, so as to be refreshed for dinner. After my so-called 'nap', however, I felt myself less rested than ever. I had tossed and turned, the sheets tangling in my legs, for more than an hour before I succumbed to an overbearing exhaustion. My imagination had begun to run rampant as soon as I fell asleep, and I found myself plagued with dreams of him. I sat up abruptly, breathing heavily, and attempted to wipe off the curls slicked to my forehead. I slid off the bed onto shaky legs and made my way over to the vanity. My eyes were wide and bloodshot, my skin pale and shiny, and my hair snarled and matted. I was, in short, quite the sight.

I called Anna immediately, whose eyes widened silently as she took in my slovenly appearance. I felt immediately sorry, though I myself had no idea how to fix this. Anna took my hand gently and made me to sit, and then fussed around me, tut-tutting when she came upon something particular awful. How horrible it must be for her to have to wait upon someone as helpless as I was. If I ever married and had relative control of my family's finances, Anna's rise in pay would be no small thing. I did my best to sit still while Anna saw to my appearance, biting my tongue as I did, as I knew nothing good would come out. That is to say, my thoughts were still on Tommy, and I could not afford to loosen my tongue.

So I sat as straight as a rod and played with my hands. Anna shot me more than a few looks – I was sure she'd never seen me so well behaved. Knowing from experience just how long this would take, I closed my eyes and concentrated on keeping my breathing steady and even. Of course, as soon as I shut my eyes, Tommy's face swam before me. I had to find another way to distract myself. Time passed torturously slow – for myself as well as Anna, I was sure, as we'd never gone so long without speaking. A slight furrow between her brows revealed her worry, but she never voiced her concerns. As soon as I was presentable, I leapt off of the stool and tore a dress – any dress – out of my closet. I didn't matter what I wore to dinner; the real night would come afterwards.

"May I?" Anna said warily. Without waiting for an answer, she placed the dress I was holding back in the closet and selected a prettier, more suitable one. Or, as Tommy would refer to it, 'frilly'. I nodded my consent, though it clearly wasn't needed, and stood as Anna loosened the ties on my dress. I slipped out of it and braced myself against the bedpost as she re-tightened the strings of my corset. When I was straining for breath and nearly turning blue, she slid the new gown over my head, the silk and tulle scraping over my skin.

My make up was applied and my hair was done in turn, transforming me from myself into the epitome of upper class. I felt contained and silenced, as though I had been pushed back down into society where I belonged. Money was power, but power meant nothing when you were a woman. I was soon summoned by Mother, and walked to dinner like a woman condemned. I knew I was seen as lucky by so many others; lucky to have money, connections, and a comfortable life. Little did they know how quickly I would trade with them. I would do nearly anything to be free of all the expectations and pressure that went along with a well-to-do family. We sat with the same rich families and were seated by the same lower class servers. In this world we'd built for ourselves, we were only supposed to notice our equals, our superiors, never those below us. To do so was to invite gossip and smug looks.

The first time I'd descended the grand staircase I had felt rather impressive, but this time I scrambled down without as much as a backward glance. I was determined to breeze through dinner as quickly as possible, make my excuses, and leave long before was considered socially acceptable. However, this plan was soon proved to be a futile one; Mother had seen to that. Hooking her arm through mine, she steered me through the usual people, all smiling politely and chatting stiffly, to the table which seemed to be ours.

A throng of unfamiliar people stood nearby. Mother greeted them all by name, and then turned with a flourish to introduce me.

"Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe, may I present my daughter, Miss Adelaide."

I curtsied and smiled at the family, my cheeks hurting and my face tight.

"How very nice to meet you, Adelaide," Mrs. Sharpe cooed. "And may I say, what an unusual name you have."

If only I could recall all the times I'd heard _that_ one. In a sea of Elizabeths, Janes and Marys, I undoubtedly stood out.

"And may I introduce you to my son, James," she added, indicating the young man that stood beside her.

I nearly laughed. So this was Mother's plot. Here she was, taking the trouble to send me all the way to America to find a husband, and here was an eligible young man waiting already. I curtsied again, doing my best to keep my smile from turning into a cringe.

"You know," Father cut in, "There is a rather remarkable story behind that name of hers..."

I did my best to tune out the rest of the conversation, having heard this story about a thousand times too many. Generations ago, before our family had much to their name, my great grandfather had been a sailor. Not a captain or quarter-master; a simple, dime-a-dozen tar. In his early twenties, he found himself aboard a ship bound for Australia. Disease struck mid-voyage, and by the time she ship had docked in Sydney, more than half the crew was gone. While waiting on a suitable crew to make the return journey, he met and fell in love with a young girl, Adelaide, named for the town she hailed from. And so she returned to America with him, where they would later make their fortune in shipping. This story, and by association, I, stood as a symbol of adventure and love, ironically in a society where neither ran common or was often accepted.

We were soon seated at dinner, and by either coincidence or design – though I was betting on the latter – I found myself next to James. As appetizers were served and conversation lulled, I surveyed him from the corner of my eye. If I was the epitome of a first class wife, he was surely my counterpart. His clothes were spotless, his manner impeccable. Sandy blonde hair was swept neatly off his chiselled, classically handsome face. His features, however, were completely free of blemishes, proof of an easy life without work. This fact rendered him nearly ugly, as he was too perfect, too clean. I had completed my study of him before his mouth had even opened, and had no intention of changing my opinion.

"Do you always make a game of avoiding conversation?"

I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, I did not mean to startle you," James added in a rush, smiling shyly at me.

I smiled my appreciation, only just then realizing how absent I had been from everyone else. Conversation buzzed around me, yet I sat still and silent, staring blankly ahead.

"Oh no, not at all," I said politely, my face heating.

"Well then," he continued, "May I say how nice it is to meet you. Your mother spoke at great length of you yesterday, and I was ever so eager to meet such a remarkable young lady."

I coughed uncomfortably and did my best to hold up my end of the conversation.

"Why thank you," I replied, "Though I'm afraid to say that I have not yet heard about you."

"Well, that can be quickly mended," James said. Without warning, he launched into a full blown explanation of himself and his life, to my utter horror and boredom.

Dinner passed in a blur, as it always did, of polite conversation and stiff smiles. James continued to speak for the remainder of the evening, but thankfully he was the type who could carry on a conversation entirely on his own, and the most I ever had to do was smile encouragingly. I kept my gaze fixed on the grandfather clock behind his head, and as nine o'clock struck, I complained loudly of a headache, apologized for my ill health, and disappeared after kissing Mother on the cheek. It was all I could do not to sprint out of the dining room, though even if given the chance, my corset would not have allowed me to do so.

I hurried into my cabin and locked the door behind me; fearful Mother would come soon to check up on me. I struggled out of my evening gown, and without only a moment's hesitation, shed my corset entirely. I donned the simplest dress I owned; a plain cream-coloured cotton with capped sleeves. I loosed my up-do, coaxing down a few strands to frame my face. My complexion was flushed with exertion, my eyes bright. It was a look clearly only acceptable to classes lower than mine. Smiling encouragingly at myself in the mirror, and before I had the chance to rethink my actions, I set off at a brisk pace, my heart fluttering at the thought of seeing Tommy again.


	5. Chapter 5

I bounded out of my cabin and bounced down the stairs, my pulse hammering away. _C Deck, C Deck, C Deck_. With my incredible luck, I was bound to get lost trying to even find this party. And then I was struck with a realiztion... I had passed it on my walk yesterday, hadn't I? I paused and drew in my surroundings, trying to remember the direction I had to go. Following my instinct, I turned to the right, and made my way down the darkened corridor. Okay, now I knew where I was going. Then the _real_ panic set in. What if Tommy had forgotten about me? What if I couldn't find him? What was I even doing, going to this party? I had no right. People might even be _mad_ that I was there. Oh, alright, I was just going to turn around...

"Addie, there ya are!"I jumped at the sound of the familiar Irish lilt, and relaxed once I caught sight of Tommy.

"Hello," I said, smiling shyly.

"I was afraid that you would run off on me," he continued, moving closer and offering me his arm.

I just laughed lightly and took the proffered arm, which Tommy used to steer me towards what I assumed was the smoke room. Light, music and laughter poured out of the nearby doorway, which I then found myself on the threshold of. People of all ages crowded the small room, nearly all of which were dancing. A small band stood off to one side, all sweating profusely as they played a rapid Irish tune. A few small tables had men crowded around, all with a pint of beer in their hands. A few had taken to arm wrestling, while others watched and jeered from the sides. As I scanned the scene, my eyes caught a shock of red air, and I found myself looking at Rose Dewitt-Bukater, a girl from my own class, dancing with a young man. Apparently I wasn't the first to break our rules. Slightly placated by this, I allowed Tommy to lead me towards what served as the dance floor, but not before following Rose's suit and abandoning my heels in a corner of the room.

Having absolutely no idea what to do, I allowed Tommy to take the lead. He placed one hand on my waist, and grasped my hand with the other. My hand slid up his arm – his strong, muscular arm – to rest on his shoulder. He held me in the traditional way, only much, _much _closer. I could feel his body heat radiating toward me and his heart pounding against his chest. His closeness, combined with the suffocating heat of the densely packed room, had me nearly delirious. Tommy led me through the steps slowly at first, and then faster and faster. The room spun around us in a blur of light and laughter and I found myself clutching him even closer. The music grew louder, and it swept over me like a wave. I happily lost myself in it. I could stay like this, dancing with him, forever.

Before I realized what had happened, the song ended. Tommy released me and turned to clap for the band with the rest of the dancers. I blinked, a bit disoriented, and gathered myself. I smiled and clapped with the rest before turning back to my partner.

Tommy beamed at me. "Are ya havin' fun yet?"

Words failed me as I looked up into Tommy's bright hazel eyes. "Mmm," was all I managed. Was I proficient in the English language? I couldn't remember.

"Let's get some air, shall we?" he asked, laughing.

I nodded and followed him away from the party. We passed Rose, and I smiled at her as we did. She smiled widely back and waved. I wondered how she had gotten here. The young man she'd been dancing with sat next to her and watched her lovingly.

"Jack," Tommy whispered as she passed. "Barely seen that boy at all since he met her."

I laughed good-naturedly, though all I could think about was the way he had whispered into my ear, his hot breath on my neck. The hair on the back on my neck stood on end.

"Oh," I said shakily.

By now we were outside, standing by the rail of _Titanic_. What on earth was wrong with me? My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating profusely, I was _shaking..._

Attempting to calm myself, I averted my gaze from the young man beside me, and instead focused on the sea. The water was calm, serene. It lapped gently against the hull of the ship, the light breeze carrying the sound. The full moon shone down on the water, lighting up the night sky. The water sparkled in feeble imitation of the stars above, which shone brightly, uninterrupted by city lights. It was incredible.

Tommy moved a bit closer and leaned against the rail. "What are you thinking about?" he murmured.

I shivered as his shoulder brushed mine, and somehow, managed to say my first coherent sentence of the night. "Anything but you."

"And why's that?" he asked softly, reaching out to push a strand of hair behind my ear.

I looked down at the deck, instantly regretting my rash words. "Because I shouldn't. Think of you, that is. I'm supposed to find a _husband_ in New York. I shouldn't be... distracting myself from that."

Tommy didn't recoil as I expected him to. Instead, he smiled sadly and said, "I figured as much."

I glanced up, startled. "What?"

"It's always been the thing to do," he replied. "In your class. Find a husband."

"Unfortunately," I muttered darkly.

"You don't want that, then?"

"Oh, of course not. Anything but, really. I may just sound like a girl who reads too many novels, but I want adventure, excitement... romance," I said, blushing at the last word. "I want to be a writer. And then I can have all that without living it."

"And you'd rather not live it?" he whispered, cupping my cheek gently in his hand, his eyes searching mine.

"It's not really an option, is it?" I returned.

Tommy paused, and then a devilish grin lit up his face. "So I'm distracting you, am I?"

"Hush," I said, shoving him lightly.

"That may not be a bad thing, ya know," he continued.

I was too surprised to utter anything other than a simple, "Oh?"

"We're not in New York yet," he reminded me. "And we're only at a party. Enjoying yourself now is not going to change anything once we dock," he paused, before adding underneath his breath, "If you don't want it to."

I took a deep breath. "And if I want it to?"

For a moment, I swear Tommy stopped breathing. And then, slowly, slowly, he moved closer. Once hand gripped the rail, and the other found my waist. I was unable to do anything. I couldn't move, couldn't think. And then his lips found mine, and I came to life.

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**Thanks so much for reading! It would mean so much to me if you left a review letting me know what you thought. Where do you want the story to go from now?**


	6. Chapter 6

I was in trouble. Oh, I was in so, so much trouble. James had followed me; that _bastard_ had followed me. To bid me goodnight, Mother had insisted. But then why hadn't he done so once I had reached my cabin? Or made an attempt to catch up to me? They refused to answer this, stubbornly insisting on believing in the propriety of a young man they hardly knew. I was banished to my cabin, pacing back and forth restlessly, no doubt wearing a path into the plush carpet. Tommy's kiss still lingered on my lips, his scent on my skin. I could still feel the scratch of his stubble on my cheek, the warmth of his rough, callused hands on the small of my back. My head was filled with him. Had the situation been different, I would have been floating. A light tap on my door halted my frenzied pace. The doorknob turned agonizingly slowly, and I froze, preparing myself for another one of Mother's anguished tirades. Instead, I found myself looking into the soft brown eyes of my worried Father, his forehead creased in thought. He had not come to see me since my imprisonment. I stilled instantly.

"Sit," he commanded gently, and I nearly fell over myself in my rush to do so. I sat down on my mussed, unmade bed and braced myself for what was coming. He didn't come any farther into the room, but rather remained on the threshold, leaning against the doorjamb. With a sigh he removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

I sat, braced, hoping for anything but another lecture. Mother had stormed in multiple times this morning, the first informing me of her knowledge of last night. I had sat, petrified, still in bed, while she screamed until she was red in the face. As the day progressed, the fury hadn't waned at all.

"Do you realize what you've done?" she'd demanded. "James is lost to us now forever! _Forever_. Are you trying to tarnish our name? Your name? One more stunt like this and you will be ruined. _This_ is precisely why we should have sent you away years ago. Your imagination – and I swear it's from all those novels you're so keen on – has driven you wild. You're simply not thinking properly. You are forbidden from seeing this man ever again," Mother had spat, "And furthermore, you are to spend the remainder of this journey in your cabin. You will leave only for meals, as I will not have people talk. You will receive James for tea tomorrow afternoon and you will apologize for your actions. In this understood?"

I had nodded mutely, all the while thinking of the venomous things I wish I could say. Father, as he stood silently, appeared much more reasonable than Mother had. Still, I was afraid.

"Now I understand," he began slowly, "That perhaps this move has upset you slightly. But this does not mean that you are warranted to act in this way. James may not seem suitable for you, and that is fine. There will be others, no matter how your Mother has her heart set on this one. Still, you need to practice extreme discretion. Your Mother is hysterical. People are talking. You are permitted to leave your cabin, given that you are chaperoned by myself, your Mother, or Anna. As soon as we have docked, it will be as if this incident had never occurred. Are we clear?"

I nodded eagerly. "Yes. Thank you, Father."

With a brief nod and a weak smile, he left.

That night, I sat patiently while Anna prepared me for dinner. "I'm sorry to see you so upset, miss," she said, frowning at my pallid complexion.

I shrugged absently. "Wouldn't you be?"

Anna coloured and ducked her head, saying, "You really shouldn't have done it, you know."

"I know," I replied easily, "Though I'm glad I did. Oh, Anna, you have to help me. I have to see him again!"

It was clearly all Anna could do not to gape. "Miss!"

"I can't do it anymore," I told her, "I just can't. I can't spend the rest of my life being monitored, and… and _stalked_! I'm not a pet, not an animal they have dominion over. I will live the way I wish to."

Anna resumed her bustling to hide her shock at my sudden declaration. "Suppose your Mother should hear this. What then?"

I quieted for a moment, considering this, and then said, "Won't you help me to find him? I suppose he's not going to try and find _me_, given what has happened."

"Actually miss… he has tried to," Anna murmured, at least having the decency to look away as she said this.

"I beg your pardon?"

"He gave me this early this morning," she said, her fingers fumbling in the pocket of her apron. "Must have seen us together before. He bid me give this to you, and I told him I wouldn't dare, but… Oh, do, cheer up."

She handed me the crumpled note with trembling hands. I snatched it gracelessly and tore it open, reading it with greedy eyes.

_C Deck. Midnight._

I smiled so widely it threatened to break my face in half. Tonight. I would see him tonight.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I'm so sorry I haven't updated recently, my life's been really chaotic. I realize this chapter isn't my best, but I would really appreciate anyone who reviews!**


	7. Chapter 7

_April 12, 1912_

"Thank you, Anna!" I beamed, enveloping her in a bone crushing hug. "Oh thank you, thank you!"

She laughed lightly and patted me on the back. "I'm just happy to see you smile," she said. "But if Mr. and Mrs. Williams find out that I aided you, you know they won't hesitate to..."

"I know," I told her. "They won't find out, I promise."

She relaxed visibly and went back to tidying up my appearance. "It won't be easy, you know," she told me.

"To get out? I know."

"And do you know how you'll-"

"I'm working on it," I sighed. My mind raced through all the possibilities. Mother was a deep sleeper, but Father had never been. It wasn't unusual to find him wandering through the halls well past midnight. For this, at least, I was grateful. If Mother found me out of bed after hours, she would be far less lenient. Even so, if Father caught me... well, I'd just have to ensure he didn't.

* * *

Dinner was excruciating. Mother, the sadistic witch, seated me next to James, and for three hours I had to endure the knowing smirks he gave me all too often. Any other member of first class would be scandalized and keep their distance, maybe fearing that my attitude was catching, but James seemed... intrigued. More interested than he had yesterday. It was frightening. As well all sat after dinner, the men discussing politics and the women the current fashion in Paris, the ship's band started up a more jaunty tune than usual. The more daring, younger passengers took to the floor, eager for any excuse to get away from their suffocating families. Mother, a smug look on her face, turned to look at me, and then James, pointedly. I shook my head violently, but the young man seated beside me had already caught on.

"Would you do me the honor?" James asked, hand extended.

Heart in my throat, I placed my hand lightly and his and we excused ourselves from the table, many of the adults smiling knowingly, thinking of things that would make me shudder. As James led me to the dance floor, his hold on my hand tightened, and my stomach clenched as I stopped myself from tearing my hand away. We reached the floor and stood facing each other, while James smiled and I tried to keep my face neutral. His slid his hand onto my waist, and I gingerly placed mine on his shoulder. He lead me around the room in a perfectly organized, trained, and utterly boring way. Mother looked our way and smiled approvingly, and I resisted the childish urge to stick my tongue out at her. James' parents seemed happy enough, thereby proving he at least hadn't mentioned my late night escapades to anyone but my parents. As the song went on, his hand crept lower and he moved inappropriately close. I stiffened, uncomfortable and slightly nauseous. The song would end soon, I told myself, and you can get away.

And yet it didn't. It went on and on, and he crept closer and his hand continued to slide towards my hips, and inevitably lower. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek and had to keep myself from retching. I held my breath and counted to ten. I had to stay calm. I pictured Tommy. His smiling face, his frizzy curls, his accent, his endearing manner, his kiss. James' hand dipped lower once again and...

I was done. I spun away from him and whirled away, past the dancing couples and past my Mother's shocked look and my Father's calls. I hitched up my skirts and sprinted up the grand staircase, my corset suffocating me and threatening to stop me altogether. I pushed on all the way up to my cabin, and locked the door behind me with trembling hands. I was gasping for air, and chest heaving, and I tore off the retched dress and undid the corset bindings. It dropped to the floor and I greedily sucked in my first real breath all evening. I still shook from head to foot, and sank down onto my bed as I waited for my heart rate to slow. I took slow, even breaths, forcing myself to calm down. Finally I stood, still on unsteady legs, and pulled a blue cotton day dress over my head, not even considering putting on my corset. My heels were replaced with slippers and my hair tugged out of its tight up do.

My parents, I knew, would have stayed downstairs, no doubt unwilling to cause a scene by chasing me. No, they would come later on, and that's when the real trouble would start. Or would have started, had I planned on being there by the time they returned. Grabbing a light sweater for the chill and shaking out my hair even further, I ventured outdoors. I surveyed my surroundings closely, and not seeing anyone, I hurried down the hallway. Midnight hadn't hit yet, so Tommy wouldn't be on C Deck just yet. It couldn't be too hard to find him, could it? Tommy had mentioned last night that he had been staying on E Deck. As it was my best guess at the moment, I set off in that direction, knowing it was now the only place I could go.

The third class berths were, in short, worse than I had expected. The hallway was dim and cramped, and the amount of pipes running overhead made me uneasy. I passed a few passengers, all of which gave me an odd look, no doubt surprised to find a first class passenger down here. While I had dressed in one of my plainest dresses, it was still far more luxurious than the hardy clothes this class wore. Two young girls and their mother passed me, the girls whispering excitedly and pointing my dress, asking for one like it. Their mother smiled indulgently but shot me a confused look. I smiled at them all as I continued on, and her eyebrows rose in surprise.

From here, finding Tommy was both very easy and troublesome. I knocked on each door I passed, asking for him, and usually startling the occupants. I received a few "No, ma'am"s, and more likely a quick shake of the head before the door was slammed shut. Finally, one door I rapped on opened to reveal a young man with blonde hair and blue eyes, who introduced himself as Jack and pointed me toward a cabin a few doors down. I thanked him and walked towards it, my palms clammy and my heart picking up pace. I knocked on it with an unsteady hand. A few moments passed, and I had just resigned myself to the fact that he wasn't in when the door opened.

"Anna?"

* * *

**Thanks so much to everyone who read this, despite the amount of time it took me to put it up. I've been preoccupied with a new fic I've started, called Take a Breath, which I've posted on my new account, the link to which you can find on my profile. After this fic ends, I'll be moving over completely to my new account. I would love for you guys to tell me what you hope happens in Chapter 8, and I'd also really appreciate if you guys checked out my new account! And thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and added this to their alerts, it really means a lot :)**


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